What a week. This has been awfully tough. Not just the 14 hour days, but the non-stop running around the hospital, multi page to-do lists, the dozens of people competing for my attention simultaneously. I feel burnt out and I've only just begun. On top of what I was already feeling, I just read this inspiring blog post at zenhabits (check it out) and I can't help but wonder...should I quit?!? Should I just say "screw it", move on, and do something that I know will make me happy? I don't know the answer yet, but I do know that I'm feeling awfully desperate at the moment. I do not like my job and it's making me unhappy.
Share your story if you're in a similar situation...
Despite all of this, I've not only been focusing on the negative -- I've been giving a lot of thought to what I do like; what I do want to do; what does inspire me. I was particularly struck in this vein last week while at an incredible improvisational jazz concert with my wife. During one amazing, esoteric jam I began to think about what it is that I like so much about that sort of music -- and then it struck me. I realized that I'd had the same sentiment the day before at an art museum; that I'd felt this way when reading great fiction; and that traveling also provoked this awesome sensation. Being at that concert I felt free. Free from my rigorous daily work schedule and from the precision that my work demands. The creative edge of music (or art, or writing or traveling without a set itinerary) -- this is something that I crave and something that a career in medicine does not offer.
Like many, I'm working to build my bliss and I'm now at a crossroads. Of course, this isn't the first time I've been at a key decision point. Graduating college as a social science major I impulsively chose to spend a year working on premed requirements; I didn't particularly enjoy those classes, but on I went. I began med school and felt burdened and unstimulated by the endless lists I was made to memorize; still, I persevered. I moved on to the "clinical" years of medical school and was dismayed by the attitudes, egos and dearth of creativity involved in medical practice; and on I went. I took a year hiatus from med school and earned a degree in public health and...this I liked! this was interesting, thought provoking, and a welcome change from the harsh environment of the hospital. Now, having graduated medical school and finding myself in the midst of internship, I can't help but wonder, is it time to stop moving forward, following the path of least resistance and acquiescing to a lifestyle and a career that doesn't seem to suit me?
The answer isn't simple. I'm slated to begin my residency next year in ophthalmology (medicine and surgery of the eye). Maybe it will be different? Will it be different enough? Should I push forward once again despite my disdain for what I'm presently doing? I don't know, but I hope to figure it out soon. Whether I keep moving forward or make a sharp turn down a different path, I will continue to search for clarity, simplicity and happiness in spite of whatever demands life has in store.
To quit, or not to quit? We'll see...
Share your story if you're in a similar situation...
Despite all of this, I've not only been focusing on the negative -- I've been giving a lot of thought to what I do like; what I do want to do; what does inspire me. I was particularly struck in this vein last week while at an incredible improvisational jazz concert with my wife. During one amazing, esoteric jam I began to think about what it is that I like so much about that sort of music -- and then it struck me. I realized that I'd had the same sentiment the day before at an art museum; that I'd felt this way when reading great fiction; and that traveling also provoked this awesome sensation. Being at that concert I felt free. Free from my rigorous daily work schedule and from the precision that my work demands. The creative edge of music (or art, or writing or traveling without a set itinerary) -- this is something that I crave and something that a career in medicine does not offer.
Like many, I'm working to build my bliss and I'm now at a crossroads. Of course, this isn't the first time I've been at a key decision point. Graduating college as a social science major I impulsively chose to spend a year working on premed requirements; I didn't particularly enjoy those classes, but on I went. I began med school and felt burdened and unstimulated by the endless lists I was made to memorize; still, I persevered. I moved on to the "clinical" years of medical school and was dismayed by the attitudes, egos and dearth of creativity involved in medical practice; and on I went. I took a year hiatus from med school and earned a degree in public health and...this I liked! this was interesting, thought provoking, and a welcome change from the harsh environment of the hospital. Now, having graduated medical school and finding myself in the midst of internship, I can't help but wonder, is it time to stop moving forward, following the path of least resistance and acquiescing to a lifestyle and a career that doesn't seem to suit me?
The answer isn't simple. I'm slated to begin my residency next year in ophthalmology (medicine and surgery of the eye). Maybe it will be different? Will it be different enough? Should I push forward once again despite my disdain for what I'm presently doing? I don't know, but I hope to figure it out soon. Whether I keep moving forward or make a sharp turn down a different path, I will continue to search for clarity, simplicity and happiness in spite of whatever demands life has in store.
To quit, or not to quit? We'll see...
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